Team Murder No Brain No Headache.

17Mar/04Off

Charles Starkweather Might’ve Really Been On To Something

A very simple rule: If enough people at work are screaming at each other and all for different reasons you will be very tired at the end of the day. It's helpful to ask questions so you can be a target instead of a passive observer. Things like this will come up on your performance evaluation. Attempts at rebuttal will be rewarded with a promotion from target to "the Man." You know, like the Man who keeps us all down. Later you'll be quizzed about your knowledge of the black arts of PHP. Tell them that you know nothing even though you actually mean that they know nothing.

Bonus points will be awarded for accusations of "hacking" a server that you knew nothing about. Your accuser will speak loudly into either a cellphone, PDA, PDA/cellphone, or a stunt kite with a threateningly large antenna while threatening you. DO NOT stare at the whirling, swirling pattern affixed to their lapel or you may wake up in a filthy cage surrounded by others who made the same mistake. Try to keep your feet dry if possible.

The only possible strategy at this point is to drop smoke bombs and disappear into the night and/or late afternoon like a ninja after reminding everyone that you're a fucking English major and know next to nothing about their Tron-like perspective on the world and their terrible God-like power over the machines that your beady little brain, braised by Melville, Balzac, and other polysyllabic hate breeders, could never comprehend. Buy cotton candy and coffee. The next day is the perfect day to call in dead.

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