Team Murder No Brain No Headache.


The Urge To Destroy Is A Procreative Urge

As I go outside to have the first cigarette since roughly two o'clock this afternoon (it's now nearly eight p.m. if you're playing along at home) I am greeted with the piercing cries of what must either be a toddler with a speech focused learning disability (before you start parading around that 'P.C.' bullshit y'all are so fond of waving around like the bloody shirt for stupid consider the fact that my actual and real knowledge of child psychology borders on negative nil or its equivalent) or an infant on the fast track to puberty.

I'm rapidly annoyed but, more importantly, this also gives me a perfectly subjective instance of evolution at work with no noise and an uptime that would make *BSDers cringe. I understand that the basic function of a crying child is to summon a parent or an adult capable of resolving the situation or want. The moment I heard the grinding repetition of the endless and miserably tearful cries my teeth were clenched. This system is pretty much working.

I initially thought the same system had broken down when several minutes passed where a child was screaming with an unnerving velocity and at crippling volumes without the acknowledgement of any adult. It seemed like the entire chain had been broken until I realized that the screeching of this feral-sounding child had a secondary and auxiliary effect on me: I wanted to hunt down the people responsible for the barrage of noise and bludgeon the region in which their genitals dwell until they are incapable of banging out any more offspring. See? Evolution is self correcting and my faith in it is renewed at least in the comic/absurdist sense. In addition there is the cock punching part which is admittedly appealing.

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  1. So what you’re really saying is that you’re ready to have kids now?

  2. Don’t stop reading at the title. I said I hate parents. Yeesh.

  3. No, what you need to do is have kids and kill other people’s children.

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