Team Murder No Brain No Headache.

16Aug/06Off

The Jittery Morning When You Realize You Hate Mornings

I've probably mentioned the fact that I am not a morning person at least a few hundred times over the course of writing this stuff for four years but I'm not sure that I've ever written about the weird jitteriness I feel when leaving the house before the sun has come up properly and the only other people on the streets are the other accursed early morning commuters and crack heads trying to shake off the last brain seizures before climbing into the nearest coffin and/or dumpster for a well deserved comatose state. That may well be the reason that the pre-sunrise hours are the most anxious for me. I liked that span of hours even less when I worked graveyard shifts under buzzing fluorescent lights and the tyranny of peppy pop hits from the early Eighties because I needed to work my way back home afterward against the sleepy tide of nine-to-fivers. The morning commuters were probably more disturbing to me because I'd been confronted with the crazy, the drug addled, and the displaced all night long and my nerves were appropriately rattled. The sleepy rush of people in their thirties who like they're fifty either trying to squeeze in another twenty minutes of sleep or eagerly thumbing the pages of the newest Tom Clancy atrocity were way more startling than the late night freak show I'd just left.

So, now I'm part of the abnormally early commuting herd. What distinguishes me is that I am basically stressed out from the potential contact with humanity that is inevitable from the moment I lock the front door. I dread crowds of people and especially dread those who are half asleep and even more rude and seemingly unaware that there other people on the planet other than them and Kenny G (the impact of the iPod on commuting was what I'm trying to get here and I will surrender, parenthetically, as an abject failure for attempting subtlety before seven in the morning) than they might be otherwise.

This morning I had a brief respite from my self absorbed apprehension towards interacting with the rest of humanity. As I was staggering away from collecting my coffee and none too aware of what was going on around me a moving truck swerved around me at high speed presumably to get across the light rail tracks before the train arrived and blocked the entrance. Again, the thick and wooly insulation of morning dimness intervenes. The light rail was much closer than the driver thought so it slams on its brakes summoning a noise that instantly banished all sleepiness in people for blocks around and nearly clipping the end of the moving truck. As is always the case at six in the morning, the fun does not stop here. The truck driver was apparently too spaced to notice that the height of his truck and the posted clearance of the entry to the garage would result in negative numbers if summed. The truck slammed into entry way with comical force that resulted in a couple bricks as well as the clearance sign now bent concave clattering to the ground behind me. The truck then, in accordance with physical laws despite the early hour, is bounced backwards into light rail car. The impact was little more than a bump but in the half second or so that I had to turn around and look I saw a few dozen faces register total horror before the truck actually touched the body of the train car.

The really comical part about all of this which brings us back to the tendency of people in the morning to act like the world owes them a favor is that the driver of the truck, after colliding with a fucking building that displayed a bright yellow clearance sign and nearly colliding with a mass transit vehicle with a load of passengers, leaps out of the cab in a rage. He actually starts kicking the train. I watch the facial expressions of the passengers change yet again, some horrified and others amused. I had a few minutes so I hang out and watch the RTD driver try to get the truck driver away from his train. Leaving seems like a good idea when RTD security and the police arrive at the same time. As much as I hate mornings I hate people in the morning even more.

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