Team Murder No Brain No Headache.


Some Unwelcome Advice To Assholes

This a quick tip to all would-be hep parents:

1. Rush hour is a bad time to load all sixty thousand of your children into a bus while shouting at the bus driver because you can't bring all of their strollers and a filled kiddie pool on with you.
2. Another passenger on what is otherwise a pretty empty bus is reading and/or working on a laptop. You should probably not surround that person with all of your children while both of you ignore their behavior in order to make a few dozen phone calls.
3. When food begins flying out of the hands of your obnoxious spawn and into the laps of your fellow passengers they are going to get annoyed with you.
4. Sighing audibly while imaging yourself the victim of a world that just doesn't understand while your children kick other people in the back will not garner sympathy.
5. Others on the bus are not considering if but when they can shake the hell out of a baby and smash the heads of parents together in imitation of the Three Stooges.
6. People are glaring at you because they are simply too tired to dismember you with their bare hands.
7. There are other people on the planet. Some of us aren't fond of children.
8. The others don't owe you shit.
9. I am really, really fucking tired and more than a little sick. Here's hoping that your insistence on proximity to me will spread that love a little.

People have mentioned that I seemed a little nice lately. Here's to negating that.

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  1. Yes, children suck, and the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” does not mean that the parents are allowed to unleash little hellraisers onto a well-meaning, but highly irritable village.

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