I finally got sound working on the laptop (Lenovo Y530 for those of you who ride the cruel and unusual labyrinths of search engines and have no idea what this is about minus your search terms) which ended up being a rather painful exploration of the world of Pulse Audio and its connections to ALSA and gstreamer while running under the Gnome. I learned a little bit about how sound is routed in Gnome and that there are ten dozen different tactics you can take when you sound card is recognized by the kernel and ALSA but is apparently invisible to Pulse Audio and gstreamer. Another thing I learned is that I don't give enough of a shit about audio on mobile device to waste hours trying to get a pocketful of frameworks to not prison rape one another when the possibility of audio coming from more than one application at a time. I also dislike 28% CPU usage of one of my cores for something that isn't really doing much of anything at all.
I went the deprecated OSS route instead and now everything works. Sigh.